


The Meaning of the River Flowing

by Painprince



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Age Play, Anal Plug, First Time, Gay Sex, Hair-pulling, Light Bondage, M/M, Oral Sex, Panty Kink, Praise Kink, Shower Sex, Size Kink, Vibrators, Wet & Messy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2019-08-26 23:43:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16691203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Painprince/pseuds/Painprince
Summary: A look into Timothee’s own sexual and emotional coming of age story during the filming of CMBYN. As always there’s a lot of fluff, angst, and smut. Enjoy♥️





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello loves, I’ve never written a Timothee/Armie fanfic but I thought tonight I’d try it. Tell me what you think. Happy Holidays ♥️

I had gotten hard during rehearsal, when Armie and I kissed in the grass. Or Oliver and Elio. Was it us or them? I didn’t know. I didn’t know if Armie would kiss differently. I felt guilty that I wanted to know and pathetic that I yearned for more. There was a moment where the front of his jeans brushed mine. I took in such a shallow breath and he chose not to notice. That was embarrassing. It ended quickly after that. He broke the kiss. Probably because it went on slightly too long and I became a writhing mess much too quickly. Armie probably hates having to feel how desperate I am. Or maybe he thinks it’s part of Elio’s charm. I didn’t know, didn’t want to think about it. Even though that seems to be all I’ve thought about since rehearsal two days ago. After, I isolated myself with the piano and pasta. I didn’t want to see him more than I had to. I couldn’t explain why but it felt dangerous... it felt wrong to enjoy his company. Luca had suggested for me to live in a small apartment in Crema. Armie was in the building over. It felt too close and too far all at once. Knock. Knock. I took a deep breath knowing who it probably was.

“Hey Armie.”

His scent hit me so fast. A sensation floated through me that made my stomach sick. It wasn’t my dick that swelled but a small button deep inside me. I felt my body shiver from the inside out... I felt too empty. Fuck... What was happening to me?

“Hey, Tim... you ok?”

I shuffled awkwardly and screwed my face up. He didn’t know my mannerisms, I was fine.

“Yah of course. Why?”

“You’re just kinda flush... and it’s pretty cold in here.”

I blurted out.

“I’ve been kinda sick.”

Lie.

“Then why did we make out?”

“What?”

“Two days ago? Rehearsal?”

“Oh yah. Duh.”

I hated how nonchalant and comfortable he was while talking about locking lips with me. Just acting. Two guys “rehearsing.” Meanwhile I can’t feel my face because he hasn’t shaved and his stubble looks... 

“Tim?”

“Yah?”

“I just came over to see if you wanted to run lines. Maybe get some coffee... but if you’re feeling sick I can...”

“Yes, Yes, why not, sure.”

Why did I stumble so much. I felt my eyes water before I could control them. Don’t cry. Don’t. 

“Hey, you can talk to me dude. We’re going to be here together for awhile. If you’re not feeling good I can go.”

I touched his hand. Oh my god. Why did I do that. I took it away quickly then shuffled backwards.

“I think I’m maybe bi and I don’t really... it’s just hitting me hard.”

Where did that come from. I can’t believe I said that. I hadn’t talked to friends of family in so long and I was affection starved. I was lonely and so worried about my sexuality. He looked at me strangely but still sat on the couch, which made me assume he’s not too repulsed.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you think you’re bi?”

You. Your hair. Those shorts they’re making you wear. Your blue eyes. How much I want to put my mouth on you... those lips. How much I want you inside me. I shook my head and bit my lip.

“I’ve never been attracted to a man before but now I’m having some... difficulty.”

“Difficulty?”

He put his finger tips together then placed them on his knees. He looked in control, observant.

“Because of me?”

He smiled. That was encouraging. I couldn’t say yes. What would happen if I said yes. I couldn’t afford for this to be awkward. He stood and towered over me all too quickly.

“Because of the way I kissed you... and since you’ve been avoiding me.”

Why was his voice so deep and gravely? It made me break out in goosebumps. 

“I haven’t been avoid-“

“-The way I slid my tongue inside your mouth and bit your lip. You groaned.”

Did he just say that? Maybe I wasn’t the only one enjoying myself after all. I smirked. I channeled Elio’s demeanor. It felt easier that way. Less intimate. I couldn’t let him see me. Not the real me. 

“Maybe we should just be Oliver and Elio for a few months.”

Did he read my mind? Yes, Armie I can do that for you. I’ll spread my legs as Elio for Oliver. I was committed to the role and this sexual escape but not to real life. That was too complicated. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well we can you know, just go method.”

Fun. Yah. What a good excuse for the tabloids. Somehow I knew this man would break not only Elio’s heart but mine too. So why was I the one that leaned in to kiss him?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration struck! What can I say. I may not continue this story but we’ll see. Enjoy♥️

I felt my stomach sink. Why did I do that. The kiss stopped just as fast as it began. He laughed. Oh my god. Fuck. I felt myself blush. I wanted to cry. How could I have been so stupid.

“Hey you ok?”

“Yah...”

Why did I say it like that? It was so breathy, I sounded like I was about to pass out. I felt him wrap his arm around my back. 

“Timmy it’s ok. We’re going to be kissing a lot. Relax.”

I instantly felt so much younger. He kissed my forehead. Fuck. I was so hard from such a soft gesture. Why was a melting so easily for this man? I guess I’ve always considered myself to be bi but it’s complicated. Girls were soft and wet and beautiful. My sexual experiences with women had all been great. With men I had only given head a few times in high school but I was private about it. I liked it. I liked it too much and I was nervous someone would find out. I don’t know why. No one would care. Maybe I’m just too self centered. He was looking at me. Oh no. I couldn’t make eye contact. Fuck, I just couldn’t. Then I’d really fall apart. My mouth would open, I would say something ridiculous, truthfully embarrass myself.

“Your heart is beating really fast. Do you want me to go?”

His voice was so kind.

“No, I’m just overwhelmed.”

He touched my red cheek.

“Don’t you think that’s the way Elio feels?”

“Yes.”

My answer was quick because I couldn’t lie about a character, especially if I was currently playing them. I was going to have to be Elio and it turned out it started before shooting. I took a deep inhale.

“But we’re not shooting. It’s me. It’s not him... I’m not...”

“So let me see you. You don’t have to be him. I’m just saying we’re here to do a job right?”

I nodded, still entranced by him.

“And it may be easier to do something so intimate if we do intimate things together. That’s all.”

I looked around the room. Just to get away from his gaze. My palms were sweating.

“You’re married...”

He laughed. Why does that keep happening? I laugh as well... a lot more awkwardly.

“She doesn’t care.”

I was really starting to get nervous now. Things were starting to move very quickly and I couldn’t stop keeping my dirty mind at bay. I couldn’t dive into reality. I felt that button inside me again. I shifted back into it and thought about Armie there. 

“Tim... you’re ok.”

He hugged me to him and I moaned. I just couldn’t seem to stop making a fool of myself. He probably thinks I’m juvenile.

“Wow you’re stunning.”

My eyes went wide and I felt my jaw drop.

“Wha..t?”

He leaned down closer and kissed my neck. My heartbeat was right there. He smiled after. I felt myself twitch in my pants at the thought of him above me in bed. Would we do that? What was happening?

“What do you want to do Timothee?”

Him using my full name relaxed me. He respected me. 

“I don’t know. Want to just rehearse kissing?”

Armie smiled. I’m sure he had different things on his mind and so did I but I couldn’t initiate. He leaned in and molded his mouth to mine. I felt my body go limp in his arms. I felt so quickly dominated. I had never felt so small and delicate. He was touching me softly... like a woman. I groaned low in my throat. He laughed again.

“Why do you keep laughing?”

He looked at me intensely.

“You’re just so cute. You make me laugh.”

I hugged him to me. I didn’t have to look at him this way but I could feel his chest. I could feel how hard he was. I got on my knees. This I knew I could do. I had experience. I lowered his pants and felt him grab my wrists.

“You don’t have to if you don’t like...”

“I do. Don’t worry.”

We were getting to know each other very well and he must have known I was serious. I pulled his cock out of his underwear and rubbed it with my palm as I stared at him. It felt good to see the tables turn a bit. 

“Timmy... fuck.”

My cock twitched. I opened my mouth and sucked his length in. He was wide and I could barely fit him around my lips but it felt so good I moaned. 

“Oh baby...”

I pressed my ass against the wood floor. I felt hornier then I ever had in my entire life. If I could just get some friction I could spill in my pants. I deep throated him as best as I could. I gagged over and over. He alternated between tugging my hair and rubbing the sharp lines of my jaw. I was tearing up bad by now. He pulled me off of him and looked at my face. I didn’t want to think about how intimately he was looking at me. I felt him rub me over my pants. Him finally touching me caused me to see stars. I felt my eyes roll back and I came. I shuddered and reached for him. He lowered his hand under my jeans to realize I wasn’t wearing underwear. I was still pulsing. He kissed my neck and rubbed my sensitive flesh. He started to ghost his hand over my balls and then behind to my hole. I got flush and stared at him. 

“Armie... what are you...”

“Nothing. I’m just gonna touch you a bit.”

I nodded and smiled. This all felt so good I couldn’t say no. He pressed his finger against my entrance experimentally. I gasped and arched into him.

“Where did they find you?”

He sounded drunk. I smiled realizing I could affect him this way. I bit his shoulder playfully. He smiled and kissed mine as he inserted the tip of his finger then looked at me. I nodded. Fuck.... I threw my head back and allowed myself to finally be filled. This is what I wanted... for so long. I exhaled a breath of relief and liberation as I pushed down on his hand.

“Greedy.”

I couldn’t think about the fact that my cum was in my ass and so was Armie’s fingers. Two now... two? Or three? I couldn’t tell. 

“How many fingers...”

He curled them slightly rendering my speechless. How was I still hard... he massaged my ass and cock at the same time as I shuddered and gasped. He started to suck on my neck. It hurt, stung slightly, I hated that it made me clench my ass harder around his fingers. He chuckled low in his throat then kissed me. I looked down to see him working his cock over me. The image made my eyes flutter. He pushed my shirt up and I felt the warm liquid hit my stomach. He pulled his fingers out then rubbed both of our juices on my stomach. Suddenly I felt exposed. The thrill was over and I was anxious again. He kissed my forehead.

“Take a deep breath. Remember like you said, you don’t have to be Elio. Don’t be so nervous.”

I nodded. He was right. He knew I was carrying Elio around in my subconscious. I smiled and kissed him quickly just to transition the evening. He smiled and spoke low.

“Go shower I’ll make dinner.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote another chapter due to popular demand! Here’s a little more angst. Also I just want to be clear that for me all fanfics are fictionalized characters even if a real persons named is used. Enjoy♥️

I assessed my stomach in the bathroom mirror. There was so much cum. I felt my knees give slightly. I understood why I hid this part of myself for so long. This feeling was crippling. With women I always was in control. Not necessarily in what we were doing but physically I was always larger. I enjoyed having sex with women because of how tender and delicate they were. We would make the same noises and I was always so gentle. In my experience all the girls from high school and women recently that I had been with had all been satisfied by me. I knew because of my intuition. I knew how to get women to cum and what to say and where to touch. Even thinking about it for too long makes me think of wetness. That’s what this mess reminded me of on my stomach. A woman I was having sex with squirted on me a few months ago and it reminded me of that. This was more sticky but our saliva was the same consistency. I thought about how gentle Armie was to me. It reminded me of how I treat women. He didn’t force my head but rubbed my jaw... that felt so good. When he leaned down and just softly touched me over my pants as if I had a cunt... I did. But it wasn’t there. It was behind me... where Armie pushed his fingers in. I had felt that want when I blew a guy for the first time. But he was so rough it confused me. I got hard but I couldn’t cum because he was hurting me... his hands were pushing my head down. I couldn’t really breathe. I took a deep breath and tried to steady my heart. I was having little flashbacks of that because of what I just did. I always did. Even though I only had the one bad experience I still got anxious every time before I got on my knees. But with Armie I felt so... safe. 

“Hey, you ok?”

I stuttered. 

“Uhh yah why?”

“You’ve been in there for ten minutes and the water hasn’t been running.”

What do I say? This anxiety wasn’t worth it. Should I tell him to go? I kept having problems breathing. I thought about his wife. “She doesn’t care.” What does that mean? Do they discuss it? How many people is he having sex with? Is he clean? 

“Timmy wanna let me in?”

No. I didn’t. Not into my heart either. I opened the door. He looked at my stomach then smiled. I didn’t return it. I just looked at my bare feet.

“Does your wife know?”

“Yes, actually.”

“How?”

He sat on the counter as if we were having a normal discussion with his seed drying on my stomach. 

“Luca talked to her about how he wants us to get close and what she thinks about us pursuing an intimate relationship for the chemistry aspect in the movie. I don’t think he necessarily knew we’d be doing what we’re doing. I think he just wanted her opinion in case we do nude scenes.”

“And?”

“She’s fine with it. I mean more than fine with it. You’ll meet her next week.”

I felt my stomach drop. No I couldn’t do this. I liked him, already... and he was married. Why didn’t anyone tell me?

“Tim, I know what you’re thinking. But we have an open relationship. It really isn’t a big deal. And Luca was going to ask you how you felt after being with me for a few days.”

I nodded still unsure what to say. Then something came to me. 

“How many people have you been open with since you’ve been married.”

“3.”

He answered so fast, with such honesty. 

“But two were another couple that we had sex with together and the other was a woman Elizabeth and I both had sex with.”

I smiled, feeling slightly more comfortable.

“Does she want to participate in this? Because I...”

“No, this is for work. It’s for the movie and I like you. She will too.”

He placed his hands on my shoulders. 

“She’s not a jealous person Timmy, and you’ll never have to have sex with both of us if you don’t want to. This is about you and me, ok?”

He said it all with such openness and I admired him. The word “work” kept playing over in my head.

“So you just want to be with me sexually for the movie? Do you want an award or something?”

I shrunk back at my aggressiveness. 

“No, I like you. You’re gorgeous and talented and I just know you want this just as much as I do, so why fight it.”

That won me. He was right. I was in Italy and I was going to make the most of it. Plus, I wanted to be with him. I thought about Elizabeth. 

“So does she think it’s hot... like how is this going to impact your marriage? Are you going to talk dirty to her about me. Does she want details?”

“I don’t know. Would it bother you if I gave her them.”

I thought about it. No. I didn’t. I wouldn’t let myself fall in love. They were married so I had to know that I was just... What was I. I felt like a whore.

“No it wouldn’t.”

He rubbed my cheek. I leaned against him. He soaked a towel in warm water and cleaned my stomach. He got on his knees and kissed my belly button. I ran my fingers through his soft highlights. He stood when he was finished and hugged me. I nestled my head in his shoulder and let him rock me back and forth. I mumbled in his chest.

“Are you memorized?”

“No. But almost. You?”

“I’ve been memorized for two months.”

He laughed and kissed my curls. I let a tear fall knowing what I was getting myself into. I thought about the scene where Elio wonders if he’ll hate Oliver because of how much he already lusts for him. He titled my chin.

“Why are you crying?”

I took a deep breath and prepared for an acting moment.

“Just home sick.”

He believed me. Just like most people do. He rubbed my back and spoke kind words about how I’d see everyone soon. After a few more moments of silence he changed the subject.

“Tim.”

I looked up at him.

“Please don’t feel obligated by this just because it happened. If you don’t want to anymore or you need some space it’s ok.”

I blinked another tear out then rubbed my nose.

“Yah I actually do kind of just want to go to sleep.”

He smiled and kissed me on the forehead. 

“I’ll let myself out. If you want to see me tomorrow you know where to find me. Sweet dreams.”

He was gone before I could speak. I didn’t even shower I just continued crying as I tucked myself into bed. Eventually the tears stopped and it was only my thoughts. I could only hope I dreamt of Oliver because I couldn’t seem to be completely vulnerable with Armie just yet.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m already having so much fun with this story and I hope you all are too! Much love and happy holidays♥️

I couldn’t seem to fall asleep. I looked at the clock. 2:34. I exhaled and dressed quickly. I didn’t really understand why I was walking to Armie’s room so late at night but I was. Should I knock? Of course you idiot what else should you do. I picked up my hand then put it down. Finally I knocked lightly. No answer. 

“So pathetic.”

“What?”

I looked up to find Armie shirtless with a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Wanna come in?”

“Sure.”

He shut the door behind me and offered me a cup. I thanked him and sat on his couch awkwardly. 

“How are you feeling?”

He was so kind. I felt my cheeks blush.

“I’m ok. Honestly, a little flustered.”

“Yah I picked up on that.”

He sat next to me but gave me a large amount of room so we weren’t touching. I looked at his hand on his thigh. He was so large. I thought about that hand inside me. The thought took over my body quickly. Suddenly my mind was full of him. My breathing started to get shallow. I inhaled nervously and took a sip of coffee to disguise my dirty thoughts. Armie smiled, as if he knew.

“You can talk to me about how you’re feeling.”

I nodded quickly and bit my lip.

“I feel like... I’m loosing control a little bit.”

Armie raised his eyebrows and shifted on the couch.

“Really? How so?”

“I just... I don’t know. Never mind.”

“Just say what you were going to say.”

“That... that...”

I couldn’t seem to stop stumbling over my own words.

“I...I... don’t know what to do around you anymore. Because we were just acting. The kissing was acting and the sex scenes would just be scenes and now... “

“Now what, Timmy.”

His tongue caressed my name and held it hostage on his lips.

“Now I... want you... for, for real.”

I looked down at my feet and felt my hands start to shake. I felt his hand on my cheek. He was rubbing my skin with the back of his thumb. It was so gentle I felt my heart clench.

“Can you look at me?”

I obeyed.

“Want to tell me about some things you like. Maybe want to try?”

I stood and exhaled dramatically.

“How are you so casual.”

He stood with me and took my elbows in his hands.

“Because. I’m in a beautiful place with a beautiful man and whatever we do will not effect anything.”

I nodded, still unconvinced. His hands were warming my skin and it felt good. I leaned into his naked chest and relaxed once his arms enveloped me.

“Tell me what you want.”

His voice was so deep I felt my cock harden. I shifted back so he wouldn’t feel it. In fact I had many things I wanted to try and many dirty thoughts but I couldn’t share. I’d embarrass myself beyond reason. 

“Do you want to have me hold you while you sleep? Rub your back? Rub your hole?”

I felt my throat gasp. He laughed and pet my curls lovingly.

“Armie...”

He growled in my ear. I shifted my hips.

“I bet your wife falls apart in your arms.”

“Do you want me to tell you what I do to my wife Timothee?”

I nodded before I could even think. 

“Well first I touch her everywhere. Her hips, thighs, arms...”

He started to touch me everywhere he said and I felt my skin tingle with arousal.

“Then I kiss her neck... while she moans my name.”

He started to press open mouth kisses to my neck. I let my head fall back and groaned. 

“By this point when I slip my hand inside her panties I can feel how wet she is... oh Timmy... you love this don’t you?”

I couldn’t even speak I felt like my legs were about to give out. I couldn’t explain why this was turning me on so much.

“Yes...”

Then he kissed me. I went limp in his arms just like back in my room. I let him manhandle me like I was a rag doll. He removed all my clothes then picked me up effortlessly. When he removed his mouth from mine I was panting and delirious. 

“Hey Timmy. If you do feel overwhelmed like you said I really can just hold you tonight.”

I shook my head no and kissed him. He touched me again everywhere he said earlier. I wish I got wet. Suddenly I felt insecure that I didn’t. Of course he noticed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s stupid.”

He looked at me intensely, waiting for me to speak.

“I’m disappointed I cant get... wet for you.”

Armie smiled sympathetically and kissed my cheek.

“Lay on your back.”

Once I was settled I felt him lift my knees to my chest. I gulped nervously. The most private part of my body was open to him, so close to his mouth. I felt my forehead start to sweat and I closed my eyes. 

“Timmy?”

I opened my eyes.

“Have you not done this before?”

I shook my head and guided my lip in my mouth to nibble on. He smoothed his hands over my thighs and smiled.

“Just relax. Ok? It’ll feel good.”

I could feel my pelvis shaking. I inhaled sharply and watched him lower his tongue on to me. I wasn’t ready for the sensation that coursed through my body. After a few moments I realized my hole was soaking... just like I wanted. I smiled and finally started to let myself moan.

“Feels good doesn’t it?”

“Amaz... oh...”

He stuck his tongue inside me and I felt my hips twist off the bed. Armie put his huge arm over my tiny stomach and continued licking me tenderly. Suddenly I felt his tongue and arm were gone, just as quickly as they arrived. I realized he was staring at me. 

“What?”

“I just really want to fuck you.”

“So do it.”

He laughed and rubbed my calves.

“No, you have to be ready and much more open.”

He looked like a thought crossed his mind and he smiled wickedly.

“What would you say if I told you I bought you some sex toys. Would you like me to try one on you.”

I felt my mouth go dry. I shook my head yes and smiled. I turned my head while he stood and watched the sun rise over Armie’s balcony. People would be out soon, getting coffee, jogging, grabbing the newspaper. I loved being here, in Italy with Armie. I felt so serene.

“You ready?”

“What?”

In Armie’s hand was a little triangle shaped pink toy. I didn’t know what its purpose was but I nodded. I trusted him.

“This is going to help get you used to something inside of you.”

“Ok.”

“Open your legs for me beautiful.”

I blushed again and did as I was told.

“You like being told what to do, huh?”

I didn’t know what to say so I just opened my legs wider. He laughed assuming that was my response. Armie rubbed his saliva around my hole then slowly pushed the plug in. He leaned down and kissed me as he did it. When I felt it reach its end I groaned. It hurt.

“Ow...”

He looked up and rubbed my jaw. 

“Breathe. You’ll get used to it.”

His voice calmed me. I raked my fingers through his chest hair then leaned up to kiss his neck.

“Want to ride bikes to the bakery after?”

He smiled.

“Sure.”

I looked down at how hard he was. Fuck, his dick made my mouth water. He was huge. 

“Can I... I rubbed him with my hand and he got the idea.”

He stood and put a pillow down for my knees. I looked up at him and he just pet my face all over.

“Want me in your mouth?”

I nodded.

“Open up for me baby.”

I did. As wide as I could. He rubbed himself around my mouth before I took the liberty of starting to suck him. He groaned and laced his hands through my hair harshly. I pulled back and gasped. He saw the fear in my eyes.

“Hey... you ok?”

“Yah.”

I felt tears well in my eyes.

“Hey... hey...”

He got on his knees with me and brought my neck in his hands.

“Talk to me.”

“I umm... a few years ago someone umm... just kind of held my head down and I couldn’t breathe... so I’m just.. a little...”

He looked at me with enormous empathy.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

I sniffled and he wiped my cheeks.

“Do you not enjoy giving oral now?”

“No I love it. When you put your hands in my hair I just got scared.”

“How about I just touch your jaw.”

I nodded and hugged him. He rubbed my back,kissed my forehead, then stood. I took him in my mouth again and felt him outline the sharp lines of my jaw.

“Wow... fuck Timmy...”

I was putting on a show now and I knew it. Every time I heard his voice the arousal went straight to my ass. The plug was starting to feel indescribably good. He seemed to notice.

“Feels good having that plug in your ass while you swallow me.”

I nodded, still full of him.

“Yah... doing so good baby.”

He leaned down and pressed on the plug. I felt it stat to vibrate inside me. I gasped on him and moaned.

“That’s it... you can moan on my cock. Touch yourself.”

I finally started pumping my cock as these delicious sensations rolled through me. Armie let go of my jaw and tightened his own.

“I’m gonna cum soon.”

That only encourage me even though my jaw was aching from the weight of him. He pressed the plug again and I saw stars. I gasped on him and felt his warm liquid shoot down my throat. The sounds he made caused me to squeeze my insides around the plug unbearably tight. He pushed me on my back and started to take it in out in out, while pumping my cock with his hand. I started thrashing on the floor. 

“Be a good boy and cum for me.”

I did. I did right as he said it, all over my own stomach.

“Fuck.... Armie...”

He giggled then picked me up and placed me delicately on the bed. I could see the sun was up through my slitted eyes. Armie closed the curtains then whispered in my ear.

“Sleep, you’ve been up all night.”

And just like the rest of the night I listened and allowed myself to drift off.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no idea what I’m doing with this story. But I’m having fun writing it so I’m trying to just go with the flow. Please tell me your thoughts as always. Love you all ♥️

When I woke up I was alone. I had no idea what time it was. I blinked a few times and saw Armie undressing next to the bed. He didn’t seem aware that I had woken up. He was so handsome, I couldn’t stop staring at his body. He turned and smiled.

“Well good morning.”

I stretched and tried to act casual. I gasped realizing the plug was still inside me. I felt my face burn from anxiety. Did he not take it out? He left me to sleep with it nestled inside me? Was that normal? He wrapped a towel around his waist and sat down on the bed. He cupped my cheek and rubbed my neck. I shivered from the contact, I had no idea how sensitive my neck was.

“You like that?”

It was an innocent enough question but it got me hard instantly. 

“Want to go ride to the bakery?”

I couldn’t handle all this. I was melting at this man’s feet and it was making me more and more nervous. I still had to be professional in a few days with a crew. I needed to set boundaries. 

“I’d rather touch you.”

He wrapped his hand around my throat and I accidentally arched into him. He smiled, having found my weakness. Armie leaned down and whispered in my ear. His hot breath tickled the hairs on my neck.

“You hungry, Timothee?”

I felt my mouth water for a reason I was too embarrassed to think about. I simply nodded.

“How does the plug feel?”

I looked at him and saw nothing but warmth and compassion. I let myself fill up with loving energy and remembered how safe he made me feel. 

“Good... I feel, ummm... looser now.”

He smiled again and started to scratch my scalp. 

“Would you like to do more or do you actually want to ride to the bakery?”

I wasn’t sure which appetite would win as I considered my options. Would we have sex? I didn’t know if I was ready. Though his cock made me submit effortlessly, I wasn’t sure he would fit inside me. Well maybe he would, but it would be painful. Suddenly I felt my eyes start to water. Don’t cry. Stop. You’re fine. Oh my god.... no no no. Don’t get anxious right now. Fuck...

“Hey Elio...”

I snapped my head up and saw Armie smirking at me.

“Whenever you get in your head... you just look like Elio to me.”

We hadn’t even started filming and he could already tell I was adopting traits of my character. I was always anxious but being with Armie sexually was stirring up insecurities I didn’t know I had. 

“Do you want to have sex right now?”

He laughed then pet my hair softly.

“That’s probably not a great idea. I know it feels like a lot but this plug is pretty small.”

“Can you umm...”

“Pull it out?”

I nodded. He placed my leg on his hip. Again I gasped at how flexible I was. I hid my face in his neck as he reached back around to my hole. First he rubbed the flesh around my rim then slowly pulled it out. I felt so empty once it was gone. I groaned and hugged him to me as he stroked my back. 

“Want to take a shower?”

“Ok...”

He removed his body from mine and walked to the shower. I don’t know why I expected him to pick me up. I followed and got in with him. He started to wash himself and I just stared in awe, not even splashed by the water yet. I felt incredibly self conscious standing there. In truth I hated my body. I had been trying to gain weight, maybe get a little muscle, but I had been more focused on learning the piano and my lines. I was doomed with this lengthy, pale, ugly body forever. I got under the water with him so he couldn’t see my tears. I was nothing compared to him. He put his hands around my neck and tilted my face up. He didn’t say anything. He just stared at me... as if I was... I don’t know. I didn’t want to think about it. I looked down at our feet and let my toes play with his. He turned the water off.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

He smiled.

“Does this make you happy?”

I blushed realizing just like that we were running lines. I nodded quickly.

“You’re not gonna get a nose bleed on me are you?”

I pushed him back against the shower and crushed my mouth to his. He scooped my thighs up so fast I gasped then laughed. Again I looked down at both of our torsos. One was tan and muscular while the other had protruding ribs and porcelain skin. I couldn’t hid my tears under any water now. I tried to hide my face again in his shoulder. 

“Elio...”

I looked at him and sniffled. 

“No... you’re Timmy right now. Aren’t you?”

I couldn’t suppress a whimper at that. I was. I wasn’t into character at all. I couldn’t hide my bodily shame. He set me down and took my hand. He moved quickly toward the bed then sat me on it. He got on his knees, on the floor, then spread mine.

“Why were you crying?”

“Nothing.”

“Can I guess then?”

I nodded, knowing he wouldn’t guess. He kissed my belly button then looked up at me.

“I think you are perhaps feeling slightly self conscious with this beautiful body you’re stuck in.”

That made me release more tears. How did he know? He kissed my neck and a whimper turned into a moan. 

“You’re gorgeous Timmy... please don’t think anything else.”

I didn’t agree.

“You don’t have to hold back your tears. If you’re feeling emotional, you can cry.”

And I did. Hard. I had no idea I was holding this kind of thing inside me. He held me as I wept and it felt so good. He pulled back and wiped my tears with his thumbs.

“Let’s get ready. I’m fucking starving.”

I laughed then watched him turn to dress.

“Armie?”

He turned back.

“Why did you do this movie?”

“Well I was a little short on cash...”

I threw a pillow at him and he dodged it easily then laughed.

“For the same reasons I’m sure you did. It’s a stunning script, we get to be in Italy, then I saw a picture of you...”

I stood.

“I thought you were... well you were not what I was expecting.”

“What were you expecting?”

I started to dress myself as well.

“I don’t know... not you, that’s for sure. I think audiences will react like me. They’re not gonna know what hit them Tim. You really are gorgeous and I wish you thought that of yourself.”

I smiled and went to hug his clothed body to mine. Suddenly Armie’s phone rang. It was Luca. Why was I nervous it would be Elizabeth? That was his wife. I was just some kid he was doing a film with. When we do press that’s all I’ll be. When the movie comes out that’s all I’ll be. When we return to America that’s all I’ll be.

“Hey Luca. Yah. We were just going there now. Yah, definitely. Ok. See you soon.”

“We’re gonna go over some script changes with Luca at the bakery.”

I nodded and tried to force a smile. He rubbed my cheek.

“I don’t think you know that you show everything you’re thinking on your face...”

He kissed both cheeks. I hated and loved that he could read me so well.

“Timmy, please don’t be so nervous about Elizabeth. She’s sweet and kind and you won’t even be meeting for a few weeks.”

I stood there dumbfounded. How the fuck did he know that’s what I was thinking about? 

“You fucking coming?”

I scurried toward the door and breathed a sigh of relief when the damp Italian air hit my skin as the wind blew threw my hair.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people! I’ve been sick as always so a lot of updates are happening and will continue to. Doctors want me off work until January and not having sex so you’re all about to be hit with soooo much angst. Love y’all♥️

Once we arrived at the bakery I felt nauseous from how long it had been since I’d eaten. Armie looked at me when I got off my bike with concern.

“You’re really pale. You feeling ok?”

“Yah I just haven’t eaten in awhile.”

He frowned and walked with me to the bakery.

“Sit down. What do you want?”

“I don’t care.”

He smiled.

“Want strawberry crepes they’re delicious.”

“Sure.”

I sat outside and waited for Luca. When he arrived he hugged me and looked me up and down.

“How are you feeling, Timothee?”

“I’m ok. A little tired.”

“Well start resting, we film in two days.”

“I know.”

Armie sat back down and greeted Luca. I felt so happy going over details for the movie with them. We were all so equally excited about the project. 

“So boys, I’ve decided that there will be no fully nude scenes and the sex scenes will be mild. It just will allow more viewers to see the film.”

We both agreed. Especially Armie, who said he’d feel mortified if his daughter or her friends ever saw. I smiled imagining Armie with his children. He talked about them constantly. We chatted about other logistics and schedule then the elephant in the room appeared as I swallowed my crepe whole.

“Timmy, I realized I should have spoken with you about what I talked to Armie and Elizabeth about. I apologize. But now that there aren’t nude scenes in the film, I think it’s more important that you two just spend time together. There’s no need for such intimate activities.”

Armie smiled then looked at me. I spoke in between bites.

“Thank you Luca, no apologizes necessary.”

Armie smiled realizing I didn’t tell him what we had been up to. The meeting ended soon after and he told us to meet him for dinner at his villa. Armie asked if I felt ok which made my heart flutter. I told him yes. Once we were back at his room he turned to me.

“Did you want to come in?”

“Sure.”

We sat and watched a film. Armie picked it after I told him I had never seen it. Taxi Driver played in the background as we ate more food and sipped on lemonade. I wondered if we would never speak of our sexual relationship after what Luca said. After the movie finished he turned to me and rubbed my ankle that was on the couch. It felt good, he took my sock off and started casually rubbing my foot.

“I’m sorry if we took things too fast. I forget how young you are. Your maturity causes me to have momentary lapses in judgment.”

I giggled. 

“No I really enjoyed myself. I’m just embarrassed how much I cried.”

“Were you only crying because of your insecurities or other things?”

He cracked my toes.

“Umm mostly that and I don’t know... I’ve always had a lot of anxiety.”

“That’s why I think things went too fast. When you’re having sex you shouldn’t feel any anxiety, none. I want you to trust me and trust takes time.”

I nodded, loving everything he was saying. I yawned and hugged him. He rubbed my back and I could feel his smile on my curls.

“I do trust you. That’s what scares me.”

He pulled back and looked at me questionably.

“Why?”

“Because... I don’t want to develop feelings. I’ve never really had sex with someone I didn’t love...”

He looked down then up at me.

“I understand. I felt the same way when I was your age. But sex and love, they’re very different.”

“But what if I want them together?”

He started rubbing my calves.

“I don’t know. I wish I had more answers. I don’t want to hurt you, that was never my intention.”

“I know and you haven’t but I just feel like you might... later.”

We both laughed at my reference. It felt so good to be so honest.

“We can’t predict the future but maybe it is best we continue platonically from here.”

That made my stomach flip. No. I didn’t want that. I wanted his hands on my hips, his lips on my neck, his cock inside me. I felt myself harden and he noticed.

“Want to watch another movie?”

“Sure.”

I showed him Blue Valentine and we talked for an hour after. I felt myself fall asleep on his couch and only had a vague awareness that he put a blanket over me. When I woke up there was a note. It said, “I’m running be back soon. Help yourself to anything in the fridge.” I smiled looking at his handwriting. I walked over the fridge and didn’t see anything particularly appetizing. I went to the bathroom to pee and noticed a little black box. I opened it to find the other sex toys he bought me. There was a slightly larger plug and lube and condoms. I didn’t know what I expected when he said “I bought you some sex toys.” For some reason I pictured a giant box of 10 or more crazy items. I smiled realizing this was it. I wonder where he bought them. Knock. Knock. I closed the box and opened the door.

“Sorry I have to pee so fucking bad.”

He started to and I couldn’t help but stare. Armie looked at me and the lid that was askew.

“You can keep all that, if you want.”

“When did you buy everything?”

“Before I came... it actually wasn’t for you. Elizabeth gave it to me because I had expressed I maybe wanted to experiment.”

“Wait... these were for you? Or whatever guy you found here?”

He smiled.

“Me, Timmy. I wasn’t coming here to lure some guy back to my place.”

I coughed.

“So you were going to use these on yourself?”

“That’s how that works, yes.”

He wasn’t squeamish or ashamed. I nodded and readjusted my constant hard on. 

“Having trouble there?”

“A little. Want to help?”

He laughed.

“We wouldn’t want you catching feelings now do we?”

“Don’t worry about me.”

I stepped toward his sweaty body and let his musk fill my nostrils. He got on his knees and buried his face in my stomach. I gasped then smiled. He rubbed me over my shorts as I arched back. 

“You were so honest before. I’ll be honest with you. I’ve never done this before.”

I ran my fingers through his curls.

“Armie Hammer are you nervous?”

Once I finished my sentence he swallowed me and started to lick the underside of my dick. I almost screamed the sensation hit me so hard. I didn’t know if I believed him, he was so good at bobbing his head back and forth. I kept scratching his scalp as he unraveled me. 

“So good.”

I came a moment later. He swallowed. Everything. I felt my knees give slightly and he stood immediately and caught me.

“Breathe.”

I took a large gulp of air and looked at him through my drunk expression. He pulled my shorts up and picked me up carefully. He again placed me on the bed.

“Can you sleep with me?”

He knew what I meant. He got in and held my back to his chest. I really wished I didn’t love feeling him next to me so much.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovely people! This is the introduction to subspace in this fic. Everyone’s experience of subspace is different and it’s not always triggered by bdsm. Though there will be some bdsm themes in this story. Happy holidays everyone♥️

When I woke up Armie was still pressed against me. I could feel he was hard. I shifted my hips back then I felt his hands tighten on my hips. He was awake. I continued to grind into him and received a soft moan in my ear. I smiled, knowing he couldn’t see me. He started to softly touch me underneath my clothes. He just rubbed my hip, then leg, then butt. If felt so good I found myself starting to perspire. 

“Tell me what you want.”

For some reason I couldn’t speak. I felt like I was floating and no words could explain what I wanted anyway. I made a guttural sound in an attempt to speak and failed. I felt him kiss my neck. 

“Tim, I think you’re in subspace. Do you know what that is? Let me see your eyes.”

He turned my chest toward him and tilted my chin up. I tried to focus my eyes on him but I could feel them freely rolling around my eye socket. I had almost no control over my movements. Armie smiled and kissed my forehead.

“Wow, you’re gorgeous like this. I wish you could see what you look like right now.”

I knew my mouth was open because I couldn’t hold my jaw anymore. What was happening to me? I felt like I was melting. I made another strange noise in an attempt to communicate. I was starting to feel a bit frightened. He could do anything to me and I couldn’t speak or move. 

“Your eyes Timmy... you look like you’re on drugs.”

How did this happen? What was causing this?

“You’re going to be ok. Do me a favor tap once if you want me to leave, twice if you want me to hold you, or three times if you want me to pleasure you.”

I thought about it as I breathed deeply in his arms. What would even happen if he started to touch me sexually right now? I wanted to find out. I picked up my shaky wrist with all my might and tapped his shoulder three times. He smiled and looked at me eyes in fascination while I started to pant. 

“Ok, I’m going to be checking in cause I don’t know how long this is going to last. When I ask how you are one tap means continue, Two is slow down, and three is stop. Ok?”

I taped once and took a deep breath to get some air. 

“Can I take your clothes off?”

I tapped once. He took things very slow and manhandled my body easily. All my limbs had completely stopped working. I wasn’t scared anymore. I was excited to feel his touch on my naked body. I hoped he would fuck me. My body felt so relaxed and glorious, his cock was the only thing that would make me feel even better. Once we were both naked he hugged me. I felt so good to feel pressure. Now I wasn’t floating away... as much, I was slightly more grounded. He kissed my cheek. 

“I’m not going to be kissing your lips cause you need all the air your body will allow.”

I taped once so he knew I heard him. I felt some drool slip on the pillow. A wave of shame rolled over my brain. What was happening? Why? Then I felt him touch my stomach. My body arched without my consent and my throat groaned. I didn’t want his tongue or fingers... I wanted his most private part sheathed inside me. I pleaded with my eyes for just that. I felt him lean over and I decided to close my eyes. I was too overstimulated by his beauty. I felt the larger plug nudge me open. I mewled with greed and shifted my hips. 

“Tap?”

I tapped once. He inserted the rest. I took it easily but still felt the stretch at the end. I was slowly coming out of my high and I tried to talk.

“You... want... please... you... you...”

He smiled and shushed me.

“Don’t waste your energy baby. I know what you want.”

I gasped without shame and let myself fall even deeper into my lust coma. He started to pull it in and out. I felt more drool drip down my lips as I tried to have my hands grab the sheets. They didn’t seem to be working all that well. My joints spazzed and unhinged. He giggled then kissed my belly. That’s when I started to cry. I was so happy and horny and overwhelmed and scared and safe and loved. I wept as he massaged my insides with care. 

“You can cry. It’s ok. That’s normal. There’s a lot of chemicals being released in your brain, it’s overwhelming, just breathe.”

I did as I was told and found that following his command caused me to slip even deeper into subspace. Suddenly I was empty and I called out. What I said wasn’t coherent speech. Armie soothed me even though I couldn’t really hear him, I was too far away. I heard him say to tap. I tapped twice. He brought me in his arms and allowed my head to rest on his shoulder. The new angle helped settle the blood in my body. I taped once. He laid me on my back and lubed his cock. I couldn’t wait. I knew my body was relaxed and my hole was fluttering. I smiled at him before letting my jaw drop. He pushed into me much quicker then I thought he would. My body didn’t brace or pull away but it shivered. He kissed my neck and started to move. I liked that it hurt. I only slipped deeper into not being able to function the faster he went. All of a sudden I felt his wet warm cock hit my pleasure spot. My cock twitched and I cried out.

“Oh Tim... tap for me.”

I couldn’t pick up my hand. I couldn’t move at all. I could only shiver in pleasure. Then he was gone. Why wasn’t his cock sheathed in my dripping core. I started to cry again. Was I not enough? 

“You have to tap. I can’t keep going if you can’t even lift your hand.”

I babbled more incoherent speech and tried to blink. He put his lips to my ear and started to soothe me.

“You’re safe just breath. I’m not going anywhere and I’m not upset. Don’t feel insecure about what just happened. Just float, let go. What your brain just did to your body was beautiful Timmy. Just rest.”

And even though I was hornier than I had ever been in my entire life I had no energy left to move. I listened to him speak words of encouragement as I drifted off into a different kind of stillness.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends! Here’s an update that I wrote very quickly before work. Truth be told I’ve been so busy and I apologize for all of you missing the usual updates. Sooner or later all stories will get finished. Also, Happy Valentine’s Day! Don’t forget to practice safe sex both physically and emotionally. If you’re alone on V day give yourself some love and spend the day doing something you enjoy. Sending lot of love ♥️

I felt Armie’s nails slip across my naked back. I breathed so deeply I could feel my breath throughout my entire body. I groaned and tried to open my eyes. What happened? When did I fall asleep? Armie’s hands on my back felt too good for me to move so I spoke.

“Hey.”

“Good to have you back.”

He kissed the back of my neck. 

“Where did I go?”

“You were floating pretty hard then you fell asleep.”

“Floating?”

“Or subspace.”

I yawned and turned to face him.

“But doesn’t that happen from pain?”

“It can but it can also be triggered by other things.”

I put my head on his chest and started raking my fingers through his chest hair. I felt so comfortable with him and I was still feeling something euphoric run through my veins. 

“what was mine triggered by?”

“I don’t know, what were you thinking about before?”

“Well it happened when you were behind me and I had just woken up. I was thinking about how good your hips felt behind mine, how much bigger you are then me, you were so warm... I just felt like I was melting.”

He kissed my ear.

“How do you feel now?”

“Still... different. But not like before. I mean... I couldn’t talk.”

“That can happen.”

“Have you ever....”

“Been in subspace?”

He smiled and moved my curls to the side.

“No, but I’ve induced it on others many times. I have to say though I’ve never seen someone go as deep as you just did. I had to stop because you couldn’t lift your hand.”

I frowned.

“Yah I remember.”

He lifted my chin.

“You were stunning. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

I fiddled awkwardly then sat up to stretch.

“How long did I sleep?”

He laughed and laid down.

“A few hours.”

My body felt so serene. Finally I was clear from anxiety. I took a deep breath and meditated briefly. We didn’t speak we just laid together without touching. After giving my entire body to him to care for I needed to reclaim some bodily independence. After a few more minutes I reached out to hug him. He laughed and squeezed me. 

“You’re so affectionate. I love holding you.”

Even though Armie was saying innocent enough comments they caused me to feel that little button inside me again. It felt like heaven when he was inside me, I wanted to feel him stretch me again. 

“I want to.”

“I don’t think now is a good time hun.”

The way he said hun held my attention. It sounded so common place, as if we had been together for years. I smiled at him and kissed his neck. I felt him groan into the pillow. 

“Why?”

“I don’t know... I just want to make sure you’re ok, that you’re not overwhelmed.”

His worries were endearing but not accurate.

“I was before but I feel great now. Come on.”

I shifted my hips to his groin and felt him grow on my ass cheek. He moaned in my ear then started to rub the skin on my hips. His hands squeezed me before he started kissing my neck sweetly.

“You feel so good Timmy.”

I gasped when he said my name and rolled my hips on him again. 

“Want me inside of you? In your tight little hole?”

I felt my cheeks redden and my cock grow at his words.

“Mhm.”

He got on top of me and started to rub my entire body. I was astounded at how good of a lover he was. I felt dominated and cared for all at once. His blue eyes looked hungry and it made my core start to heat up. As if he knew he started to rub my belly in circles. 

“When I’m all the way inside you you’ll be able to feel me right here.... that’s how deep I’ll be.”

That sentence made me start to sweat. He seemed to notice and chuckled at how horny he was making me. 

“Armie...”

I was rubbing my hands all over him; his arms, chest, hands, everywhere. He flipped me so I was on my hands and knees with my ass facing him. He started by running his hands up and down my back. The physical contact grounded me to the bed. I lowered my head so the top portion of my chest was on the bed. Now my ass was obscenely open and my back arched. I was too in the moment to care. I decided to really listen to what Armie had told me a few days ago. There was no reason to be nervous when I felt this good and nothing we were doing was wrong. I think I needed to face the fact that a lot of my nervousness about others knowing my sexuality was internalized homophobia. I had never even watched gay porn. I gave head a few times because it was sudden and unexpected... that’s all I thought. But this feeling... this was who I was. I had never felt more like myself. Everything that was happening was so exciting I felt like I was venturing off into uncharted waters. 

“Fuck... this ass...”

Armie was now kneading my ass like dough and pulling it apart periodically. I whined impatiently and shook when I felt my hole stretch because of his hands. Then I felt his tongue first on the sides of my cheeks, then my hole. A broken moan escaped my lips and I squeezed my eyes shut. He swirled his tongue and spit inside me periodically. I knew my chest and face were bright red from how turned on I was. I continued to be surprised how much I was enjoying being intimate with a man. I felt the head of his cock nudge my hole open. He thrust inside me slowly until I groaned in discomfort. 

“I got you.”

He didn’t push all the way in. It seemed that he was trying to open me first. The fact that he wanted me to be in no pain made my heart flutter. 

“You ok?”

I nodded and continued to gasp when he tried to push deeper. That’s when it started to hurt and I actually yelped. My instinct was to pull away but he caught my hips and kept me there. He didn’t move, he just stayed inside the part that was causing me pain. Was he all the way inside? Or was there still more of him to go?

“Are you all the way in?”

I hated how distorted my voice sounded. 

“No, love. Half way.”

I groaned and reached for his hand to hold.

“We can stop.”

“No, keep going.”

He tried to push even further and that’s when I felt a sharp intense pain deep inside me. I shut my eyes and bit the sheet. Tears streamed down my cheeks and my cock was now soft. I breathed deeply and tried to open my body. He started to rock in and out gently. It felt like a million little needles were erupting in my abdomen. My moans were pained and pleading but I assumed Armie thought they were the effect of pleasure because he continued.

“Fuck... you’re perfect... so tight... fuck Timmy.”

He turned my head to kiss me and saw the pain written on my face and the tears. He rubbed my cheeks with his thumbs.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No...”

I pushed back on him so he would cum and I could be done.

“I’m fine just keep going.”

He nodded, kissed my neck, and rolled into me. I grabbed the sheets and tried to steady myself. I wasn’t in severe pain anymore because of how long he had been stretching me. Now it was just a slight feeling of full body discomfort and slight nausea. He looped his hand around my soft cock and massaged me tenderly. All of a sudden I felt a jolt of electricity start in my ass and tingle through my balls. I started making sounds again and Armie laughed in my hair.

“That’s what I was looking for.”

I felt my cock grow with each thrust that tickled that button. I was sweating intensely now from all the work I was trying to put into relaxing. Suddenly I was cumming, it was so strong I felt my vision get spotty. I cried out in a mixture of pleasure and pain because of how much my ass contracted around him when I started leaking from my cock. 

“Armie... oh... please... can’t....”

He pulled out of me slowly and cradled me in his arms. My entire body was vibrating and my head felt so fuzzy. I closed my eyes and rested my face on his chest. His hair tickled my lips as he scratched my hair and neck. All of that was worth how euphoric I felt. I shook slightly every time he touched me and kissed his neck in gratitude. I felt how open my hole was when I pushed my hips out to get comfortable. I had never felt so vulnerable and safe. Now I know how Elio feels. Before I could say anything to Armie about my experience I felt myself fall asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo! I feel like this is kinda word vomit but I’m posting it because I think sometimes second guessing yourself and deleting something can lead to self conscious writing. So, I just kept everything and didn’t edit it. I hope it translates. As always your comments and kudos are everything and motivate me sooooooo much ♥️

I opened my eyelashes slowly and realized I wasn’t being cradled by Armie anymore. Instead the weight of the covers encased my body. I sat up, stretched, and looked around the room. No Armie. When I pushed my hips to the side of the bed to stand I winced when my hole connected with the bed. 

“Ow...”

“You ok?”

I looked up and saw Armie holding breakfast for me. I smiled and shook my head.

“I’m fine.”

I got back in bed and let him hand me fruit and crepes. 

“You excited to shoot today?”

I nodded while my mouth was full of food. I wiped my face on the back of my napkin then turned to him.

“Oliver and Elio will meet today.”

He rubbed my cheek. 

“Yes they will.”

I felt my neck blush. I was too sore for more sex but I wanted his arms around me and his breath on my neck. He looked into my eyes and smiled. 

“We have a few more hours. What would you like to do?”

The way he said it made me think he was suggesting something friendly and not sexual. That we had a few hours to ride bikes or get coffee. I didn’t want the outside world... I couldn’t caress him there, I couldn’t lay down resting my sore body, I couldn’t kiss him the way I wanted to...

“Can we stay in bed?”

He nodded and ate some fruit I hadn’t finished.

“How do you feel?”

I sighed and shook from the cold. He was fully clothed and I was still naked. He covered me with a blanket and took my plate.

“I feel fine.”

“You said that earlier, how do you really feel?”

I contemplated if I wanted to tell him the truth. 

“You don’t need to lie.”

I nodded and felt tears stream down my face. Why was I crying? Maybe it was because I felt vulnerable and cared for for the first time in my life. I didn’t feel overwhelmed but I needed some reassurance. My anxiety was starting to bubble in my stomach because of how much my hole actually stung. Was something wrong? Probably not. I breathed deeply and felt a sense of pride course through my veins. I took him inside me... my body allowed me to do something that had frightened me so much. The act itself didn’t scare me but the realization of the aftermath did. I didn’t want to know I loved it. But I did, I loved it so much. I smiled at him and let my heart fill with new possibilities. 

“I’m ok... Armie... I’m gay.”

Armie looked at me with enormous empathy and sat behind me. Before I could question what he was doing he was rubbing my shoulders and back with his hands. I shifted so he wouldn’t notice that part of me was in pain. Now I was crying, not because of the slight sting but how relived I felt to tell someone. It felt as if I was connected to the ground again. Everything seemed so new... so fresh... 

“Feels good...”

He kissed my neck which caused me to gasp. Maybe that’s why I went into subspace? For the first time in my entire life I wasn’t acting... I wasn’t trying on new personalities and seeing what stuck or people liked the most. This was me. I felt terrified with how much self liberation I just connected with everything Armie and I had done. I was finding out so much about myself. I discovered a buried part of my psyche that wanted to be used, sexually. I wanted to be Armie’s prisoner or slave... pet... submissive... whatever word... I didn’t care. I wanted the emotional catharsis of crying from intense pleasure and pride that I could make such a beautiful man cum so hard. I wanted him to touch me hard and handle me without care. Then I looked into his eyes and remembered something I quickly forgot in my submission. How good it felt to also be cared for after all that. When he cradled me, scratched my back, made me breakfast, held me softly, touched me tenderly. I wanted everything. I wanted his hard cock sheathed inside my body until he pulsed then pulled out from sensitivity. After I would lay on him and feel his soft flesh and euphoric touches. 

“You’re shaking.”

I smiled and turned. 

“You know you show everything on your face right?”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Then what am I thinking?”

I couldn’t believe how unbothered I was in speaking my mind. The guards I had put up my entire life were coming down layer by layer.

“You look like you want to be dominated... you’re starting to learn how seductive you can be and how much you effect me. You know there’s power in your submission. And dare I say... you might be enjoying my company.”

With every breath that left his lips, my cock hardened and my hole closed then expanded. He ran his hand over my chest then started palming my bulge. I leaned back to rest my body weight on his groin and chest. I felt him kiss my ear then whisper...

“I know you’re in some pain. Thank you for being so strong. You were such a good boy, letting me open you up.”

I let my mouth hang and felt my brain fog at his words. He continued rubbing me before slipping his hand under the covers to my flesh. 

“Do you like being sore for me?”

“Yes...”

I whined and turned to rest my head on his shoulder. He lightly touched my hole. I didn’t know if it was his nail or the smallest pad of his flesh... but it felt like he was tickling me. I started groaning and moving around to get traction. 

“Good, relax.”

I could feel he was hard but I was too exhausted to reciprocate. He continued peppering kisses to my entire face, then my neck, ears, hair.... I was feeling worshipped and ethereal. Now his fingers were opening my rim and rubbing my insides. 

“Use me....”

I moved my head so I could kiss his neck and felt him groan from the surprise contact. He quickly pushed me so I was on all fours then took my hips and split my hole open without warning.

“Armie...”

I was still so open that even though it stung I got the reward of that delicious pressure once his cock reached my prostate. I knew I was going to cum soon. I reached for Armie’s other hand and held it in mine. He kissed my back and started pounding me harder then I knew I could handle. I held the sheets and let my ass take all the pleasure my body could handle. 

“I’m gonna touch you love... my little fuck doll, you deserve to cum.”

I groaned at how much my gut bubbled at his words. A jolt of electricity struck me when his hand touched my swollen dick. He palmed my hand and cock at the same time. The pain was starting to increase, my hips were starting to burn from his hands, my arms were sore from holding my body up against his thrusts, and my brain was clouded with a duty I had never felt before. As I let go physically and emotionally my cock spasmed on the bed. By this point I was sobbing but I disguised my cries as moans of pleasure. He rocked me back and forth as I breathed almost too heavily. 

“Breath... relax.”

I inhaled and let my senses fill me with everything Armie. His smell floated around my nostrils. His hand rubbed my stomach while the other was still holding my hand. His feet brushed over mine as he rested his head on my shoulder. This all felt so right and I couldn’t comprehend how transcendent I felt. I let myself drift in and out of a meditative state. I don’t know if I slept in that time or not but by the time I noticed my surroundings again, it was dark. I heard Armie’s voice float through my ear drums. 

“I called Luca and told him you’re sick. It wouldn’t be good for you to work today. Sleep hun. You did so well. Sleep.”

Just like the entire time I had been in Italy so far... I trusted Armie and let myself drift off into the place of impossible possibilities.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people! I was on a bit of a writing hiatus to spend time with my friends and family before I shipped myself off for more education... bleh I know. I tend to write more when I’m in school because it helps me cleanse myself from academic writing. This story is not my first priority but inspiration struck and I always enjoy following that. Hope you all enjoy! Next up will be an Ownership update ♥️

I felt Armie nudge my ass open. I blinked my eyes lazily and licked my dry lips. He was going to use me again? My stomach clenched at the thought of how just my limp body turned him on. I sighed contently to tell him I was awake. I knew I was bleeding, I didn’t care. I arched my back and felt the hair on the front of his thighs on my legs. 

“Want me to use you again?”

I nodded in agreement before he ripped me open. I wasn’t prepared for the pain. I bit the pillow and tried to quiet my cries. He scratched my head gently and pounded me how he felt necessary. I gasped honestly before more tears streamed down my face. I muttered please over and over.... to continue or stop... I wasn’t even sure. 

“Good boy, love.”

He knew he found my swollen prostate when I started whining in a higher pitch. 

“Yah... baby, that’s it. Relax.”

My body listened to his words as my hips succumbed to his bruising hold. I could feel my bones softening in his hands. My body knew this was its purpose and my brain accepted its fate. His other hand clamped around my throat as I let my eyes roll back in shock. I felt so safe as he held me tighter than anyone ever had. He kissed my neck then whispered.

“You’re doing so well Elio.”

I was so taken aback by being called Elio that I scooted slightly away. 

“What’s wrong?”

I pulled myself away from him until he popped out of me uncomfortably quickly. I grabbed my stomach and let my eyes shut in pain. 

“Why would you call me that right now?”

“Right now? Would you rather I call you Oliver?”

He smiled mischievously before I pushed his chest away.

“Timmy! That’s me... I’m not Elio... I’m—“

“Timmy! Hun wake up. Hey...”

I jolted away and realized quickly I was dreaming. I folded into him instantly and let my skin touch his. I was elated to find out we were both still naked. He held me softly and I could tell by his voice that he was concerned. 

“It’s ok. I got you. Just keep breathing deeply.”

I let my head rest on his shoulder and allowed my body to breath how it desired. 

“What time is it?”

I felt his underused voice grumble on my neck.

“A little after three.”

I looked at the night sky through the window. He started rubbing my back in soothing circles as I laid the rest of my body in his lap. 

“Are you ok?”

I nodded while I let myself cry more. 

“Yes, just a bad dream.”

“Well... do you want to talk about it?”

My first instinct was no. I didn’t want to tell him that becoming Elio was starting to frighten me more and more. Why I felt that way was the confusing part. I assumed because Elio is so bold... and very forthcoming with his body and emotions. Yet I’ve felt so... guarded. I felt my neck slightly shake as I focused on his eyes and returned to the room... the bed... these sheets... his eyes... I looked at the little hairs on his arms and began to play with them. 

“Well it was a sex dream at the beginning that kind of turned into a nightmare.”

He nodded for me to continue. 

“I was awake... but not very. You just kind of started fucking me and...”

I couldn’t help the way my voice was vibrating. I took a deep breath and powered through.

“It felt really good even though it didn’t. I’m sorry that doesn’t make sense. But then you called me Elio and I just freaked out. I haven’t had panic attacks since I was a kid but in the dream... I just couldn’t breathe.”

I grasped the covers with one hand and watched Armie reach across me to grab his glass of water.

“Drink some.”

I only realized how thirsty I was when I finished half of it easily. 

He started lazily rubbing my shoulder. 

“Thank you.”

I teared up when he thanked me for talking to him. He put a few wisps of hair behind my ear. 

“How sore are you?”

My heart clenched at how regretful he sounded. I knew this was a mistake. I started to hyperventilate slightly before picking my nails. 

“Hey... Tim... keep talking to me, what’s going on.”

“The way you said it... like you wish we hadn’t.”

He responded instantly.

“No, not at all. I’m just concerned for you.”

Just concerned. Not in love. He’s married and I’m 19. 

“I’m going to go blow my nose.”

There was truly so much snot that it was a pretty valid excuse. He allowed me to leave and didn’t follow. I snapped the switch up and looked at myself in the mirror. My face was red and puffy, my eyes were wet with new realizations. We’ll never be together, not how I want. I inhaled shakily knowing that’s how Elio feels... the same. I held on to the counter as I let the room spin. I knew I had a wax pen in a bag under the sink. Fuck it, I needed to relax. I sat in the empty bath and inhaled the fruity strain. I thought about how naive I was but also how cunning. Sadistically I knew putting myself through this would not be a waste. I was already thinking about how I could recall these moments. This lapse didn’t make them any less painful, but I knew I had a lot of work to do in the next few months. I readjusted my ass so it wasn’t pressing so hard on the marble. A knock wrapped around my body.

“You smoking without me.”

That caused me to chuckle. 

“You can come in.”

He laughed when he saw me in the bathtub.

“No water?”

I shook my head as I blew a cloud at him. He reached down to inhale from my mouth and I couldn’t help loving the feel of his lips on mine.

“You thinking about tomorrow?”

I’m sure my nod came off as enthusiastic, because I was excited.

“Well technically today.”

It was only then I realized that it was around five in the morning. 

“Would you like to watch the sun rise?”

Armie smiled and nodded. 

“Elizabeth is a morning person.”

He smiled and looked off as if he was remembering her. It was good to hear him talk about her, I needed to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t the only one.... far from it. 

“Come on let’s go.”

He gave me a hand to get out of the bath and held me in his arms. I relaxed my torso into him, knowing he would catch me. 

“Do you trust me?”

I thought about that before I answered. My instinct was yes, because in most ways I did. I trusted him with directions, life experience, my body, my pleasure, cooking food properly... I trusted him as an acting partner and friend... a lover even. But with my heart... no. I didn’t trust him with that. 

“In some ways yes.”

I realized it came off harsher than i intended. I was again surprised when I was gifted with a smile.

“You’re so honest. I want you to know I really appreciate your company and for the record I feel the same way about you.”

In what ways does he not trust me? I decided to let that thought go with the rest of the week. He held my hand as we walked on to the balcony. I didn’t trust how good his hand felt in mine. What did he not trust about me? It wasn’t my honesty... he said he feels the same. Does he know how strong my feelings are and that’s why he said it? I felt my head start to pound as a small amount of light peaked through the sky. 

“I need to go to sleep.”

“Ok. I’m going to stay out here for a bit.”

He seemed slightly choked up. I didn’t have the energy to comfort him, right now I needed to comfort myself and my sore body. I had work tomorrow. As I settled my head in our bed I felt good that I would still be able to fall asleep alone.


End file.
